I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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