Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
