Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
