fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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