I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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