I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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