I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
