he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
