i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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