It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
