I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
