it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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