Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
