Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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