we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Never underestimate the power of titties
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
