I skipped work to stalk him.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
