p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
