Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
