He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
