Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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