I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.