I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
