so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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