I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I didn't notice because vodka
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
