ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
