I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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