i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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