Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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