Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
