Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
