We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
