apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no, he came in my armpit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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