I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
