I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
