Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Panties = found
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
