R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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