Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
