I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
