I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
