So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm really busy with my period
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