and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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