Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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