Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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