i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Green mimosas i think yes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
