just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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