i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
50% drunk capacity currently
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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