I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
