He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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