I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
