Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
