I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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