i don't like sucking hair
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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