Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
