It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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