dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and she was petting her beer can
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
